Moving Forward

Don't mind my commentary.
A being caught a breeze of vocabulary.
On this cold day in May
The past shows my words the way.

In another rental; influenced by a parental
Close your mind with what you are taught.
Go to bed; shut the light off.
In a room I thought about how I really felt.
Daddy's little girl watched admiration piled upon a shelf.
A flash forward some odd years
Chocking back indescribable tears
Mom held my hand, hospital bed,
My reckless abandonment of fears.
Sitting there like she was amongst a peer
The distance between us came up short that year.
2012.
Time flipped, my mind uncaged.
In court I stood accountable and ashamed.
Now just a place in my memory.
Is a night that never made sense to me.
Blocking the door with my key and a pill
Stood grim coaxing me to strike a deal.
Forcibly blocking the seal almost got me killed
And for that I will never forgive you.
Stay away from my family
May karma fuck with your sanity
Now look what you got yourself into!
What I cannot change is true intention.
A lion heart taught me this family business.
A quality of mind given by my father
Who then left me alone to become my own warrior.
Through my clouded mind he spoke words into my heart
The heaven's he described began to tear my sky apart.
A mantra sun, many rays, protect my worldly defeat
Hugging me, loving me, moving me towards your heart beat.
Trials and tribulation will come knocking
Thump thump thump. 
What stands in doorway can be shocking.
Through the hollow wood hear my truth
Peer from the inside at my soul's worth
Blonde hair, blue eyes and a fundamental understanding.
Reality can be anything at all but a soft landing.
Away from a nightmare in the crash I left my body.
Dizzy and dazed I pressed a new print into this molding.
I have come to sit down and share over tea.
Hoping to omit the welcoming of a new memory.
Because the traces of me that once were went missing
Be careful how you judge one's past memory of misery.
Full of brave love is in knowing you.
By my words you will hear this is true.
Decisions selected next will be effected, heck,
Moving forward is the only thing I know how to do.

~ B